As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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