so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
