i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
