If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
