I smell stomach acid.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
