You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
