just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You have to summon your inner elephant
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
