they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
