Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
