I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
