Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
