I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
