just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
