I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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