the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
