D3 body, D1 cock
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
