i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
