Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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