I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
