I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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