I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
