my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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