why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
