yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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