My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
