drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
