Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there was a trapeze. enough said
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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