hotel room ftw
Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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