My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
