Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
