Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
