How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
