I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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