Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
