She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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