You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
