Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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