ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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