You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
