Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
