then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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