He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
