By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
