yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
