If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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