you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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