I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
