I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
