So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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