smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
